I have two gay men in my life with official titles. This is a lovely bond between people it doesn't require sexual attraction and it neither precludes nor requires long-term attachment.
(A lot of gay men who marry women feel this way towards their wives there may be a lot of women who wouldn't mind a husband like that, especially if they knew – before the wedding – that there wouldn't be much sex.) There is also the bond of romantic attachment these are people with whom all the accoutrements of romance feel so right: the cosy table in the corner, the sweet text message as you sit through a dull meeting. These people are described as your best friend and you would willingly raise their kids and, if you had to, give them a kidney. Then there are people whom you just love – deeply, permanently and not necessarily sexually. Sexual attraction can bring together two people who have almost nothing in common except what takes place between the sheets see most young marriages.
There are three powerful bonds between people and, for better and for worse, they often operate separately, rather than together: sexual attraction, long-term attachment and romantic yearning. Weekly sex will be OK, as long as passion is not required. No woman says: I want to have children soon and I am too conventional/cautious/career-oriented to do it by myself. No man says: I do, mostly because your money will allow me to become a successful businessman. Whatever the reason, it's certainly not because it's not happening.īut why should we have such illusions about marriage anyway? There are many things spouses choose to keep secret, and homosexuality is just one of them. Perhaps they aren't as ready to share their hurt.
(You would not think a lot of men, confronted with a log of their hours spent on, succeed in convincing their wives that this is a common, heterosexual male way to spend an afternoon, but apparently they do.) There aren't as many websites for men left by gay wives. The top warning signs? Possession of homosexual pornography and evidence of visits to homosexual porn websites. A quick browse on the internet will reveal plenty of websites with names such as My Husband Is Gay and Gay Husbands/Straight Wives, with checklists for worried wives. I 'm not sure why we should be shocked when someone ends a marriage and comes out of the closet.